Her.

 She came into the world like an opening daisy.

Small and unnoticable to everyone but us.

Like roots pushing down and stems pushing up,

And petals knowing there is sunshine out there.

Like magic.

Like magic she came.

Beeps and screams 

and fears and excitment surround.

All did not stop her coming.

Each of us waiting for her.

There is nothing like this feeling.

You learn more in five minutes,

than you have in a lifetime.

That is becoming a mother.

In seconds you it comes to you.

The meaning of life.

What we are here for.

This blood rushing,

head spinning,

heart beating thing.

One second she is not.

The next second she is here.

From one second to the next, 

you learn how empty you were.

And how full you can become.

As if her leaving a void in your body,

has made you the most full you have ever been.

She comes like magic.

held captive

There isn't a day that goes by that I don't miss it.
The whole of my being will always be slightly less,
a fraction of it lives there
and can never be reunited with my body,
no matter how many times I return.

My nose still remembers the smells,
my hands still feel the water,
and my eyes still rise to wish upon the same stars.

Time can not heal all wounds.
The mind does not forget.
Instead, it wanders daily
to the places I called home for such a short amount of time.
It is the most imprinted memory,
of the highest quality.
And instead of letting go,
each day my heart grows more desperate to return,
rather than making things easy by drifting slowly away.

Time grows longer,
heartbeats increase tenfold,
and yet still a ghost of my being dances with my memories.
Never ceasing to ease sore feet.
Never stopping for a change in the music of life.
Part of me will always be entertained by the waltz

201 Dawes

Today, the last roommate in my presence has begun to move belongings out.
Through our door.
Into the next chapter.
And watching it happen,
it hit me.

We've graduated. We've finished. We're starting a new chapter.
And the memories we made at 201 Dawes,
will be the ones to stick.

It was here where we stumbled as we figured out how to be adults.
We made mistakes.
Birthdays were celebrated.
From 20 to 21.
21 to 22.
22 to 23.

The memories we have are the ones we will never forget.
Our nights led to one of two things:
a good time
or
a great story.

We captured sunsets.
We grilled out.
We danced,
and played our music too loud.
We ran laps,
and laughed enough to fill the block.

We took pictures in the mirror that grew to know us,
dressed down for socials,
and dressed up for formals.

This kitchen is where we experimented with cooking.
This house taught us what cleaning upkeep looks like
(and what it doesn't look like).
This living room has taught us how to create community.

We thought sharing was hard in kindergarten,
no one tells you how hard it is in college.
This house taught us how.

We learned how to talk to neighbors.
How to shovel.
How to park.
And to appreciate good communication.

We made friends,
and left friends.

These walls have heard breakups,
and have embraced us as we grew to fall in love with our soulmates.
Secrets were shared,
and tears were shed,

As I sat in a bare house the morning my parents left,
I couldn't visualize graduation.
Today, I'm in awe that I have only numbered days remaining.

And will forever be baffled by the fact that
while the current me can't wait to move out,
the future me will be dying to come back.

They came in.
They moved out.
And they will always remain apart of.


8 girls.
over
3 years.
at
1 address.

I believe

I believe in camp.
I believe that yelling at the table is healthy.
I believe in dancing around the dining hall.
I believe in sitting, standing and being hoisted up on chairs.
I believe in summer air,
in mosquito bites,
and in lake smelling hair.

I believe mud pits are awesome medicine for a rainy day.
I believe in games.
I believe in songs with actions.
I believe in noise makers.
I believe in sticks,
and rocks,
and pine needles.

I believe in sandals,
and t-shirts,
and shorts.
I believe in the skit closet,
and fanny packs,
and bro-tanks.
I believe no one will look socially acceptable when we go out on Friday's together.

I believe nightly campfires warm the soul.
I believe the starts from the athletic field are the most beautiful.
I believe in group building,
in waking up campers with metal plates and wooden spoons,
and chaco tans.

I believe in camp outs,
in raids,
in pranks.
I believe in staff shenanigans,
and sometimes I still believe that the directors don't know they're going on.

I believe camp can change a person forever.
Camp may be made for the campers,
but I believe,
that while camp will always impact a child,
it will forever change the course of a counselor's life.

inspiration

Three things that my heart celebrates the most, Faith, love and words. Put them together and you get something magical.

www dot

We live in the realm of the notification from an object. We have fallen in love with a screen. We are prisoners to a device 1% of our size and immeasurable amounts less than our personal worth. Striving for the acceptance and approval of a fellow device rather than a being.
We converse with mere ghosts of people. Seeking acceptance from strangers we'll never meet and exchanging words that we'd embarrassed to display face to face. Words written that your grandmother would be ashamed of.
Seeking gratification from a buzz.
The light that illuminates our rooms late at night is that of a touch, swiped left or right, not from the eyes of another. Their words lacking luster as they are displayed rather than spoken and take a stab at who we are and lack any form of respect.
The essence of the presence of a soul is lost in the lack of our ability to see the necessity. We are soul searching in a soulless place.
We have shifted our source of appreciation and acceptance. We are no longer looking to fellow beings, but to electricity.
We are feeding ourselves with a source of no nourishment. All of it will never be enough.
We seek so much recognition from data uploaded to an unreachable place that we forget the beauty around us.
As you submit what you consider beauty to an uninhabited audience, you are putting yourself into a box. Defining yourself by a 2*2 inch square and 114 characters.
I will not let myself be defined by those minuscule dimensions. I believe my beauty is far more grand than a square of that size. I have far more important thoughts than to be limited by characters.
Last time I checked, the world was larger.
Why not live there. Experience there.
Live in the totality of your being, not a snip-it of it.
Do not be scared to experience something bigger than a 4 inch squared footage.

Big

By no stretch of the imagination do I take on the mothering role for this girl.

In fact, it is the other way around.

Two years ago she became my big.

Every day since, she has proven to be one of the best.

She took it upon herself to dedicate the task of teaching what she knows to me.

For some, that stops at their sorority doors.

For me, it carries into the strongest values in life.

The parts people don't ordinarily talk about.

Thanks for teaching me:

How to have an unending desire for my passions.

Every day she walks around with a fire inside her soul. She fuels the sparks with two blades and some ice. She shares her love for the ice with teams of girls, and supports them to the ends of the earth. Her eyes shine when she talks about everything pertaining to skating. She watches it, she feels it, she lives it. Her heart belongs where it spins on the ice. 

How to inspire others

She's out that door at the crack of dawn. Some days she doesn't come home until after bar close. She is contributing to her career, but when no one is looking, she finds the time she doesn't have and dedicates it to her passions. Everyday, she will get grief. She takes it in stride. She is determined to do the BEST at what she does. Never does she take the easy way out. Every day, inspiring me to do my best at it all, and pushing myself along the way.

How to dream big

She doesn't take anything lightly, and does it all to the best of her ability. She has a huge position. She is in charge of keeping us all in line.  She is the woman who wants us to succeed and loves us all enough to tell us when to shape up. And weekly, like clockwork, people she calls sisters give her smack for looking out for them. They put her on blast for "not being there", for being "negative", for being "crabby". Little do they know how much she supports them all, how she talks so highly about our organization, and how hard she is dreaming. She is giving it her all to her major, caring about her athletes 'til her heart is full. When her plate looks too heavy to carry, she adds even bigger dreams: those of trying out for something huge, putting herself out there, dreaming to skate nationally (dare I say internationally). I stand here and cheer her on, but little does she know how big she is teaching me to dream. That I can truly do anything I set my mind to.

How to be myself

Some people may say that she wakes up on the wrong side of the bed daily. I say that she obtains one of the best personalities you can: the who gives a f*%# attitude. She tells you how it is, the good, the bad, the ugly. She is NEVER afraid to speak her mind. At all times, you'll know what she is thinking, and it is beautifully raw. She lives with her chin up, containing more confidence than imaginable. When people dare take stabs at who she is, it rolls off her back, and unnerved she carries on. Thanks for providing an example of what it means to be a strong woman, loving myself, as you love me.

There is so much more she teaches me, some of which I probably haven't even realized yet, and most definitely more than I can put into words. I could have never asked for a better big. You're a wonderful human Dana. Thanks is never enough.